2002-02-06 - 9:42 p.m.
I am feeling... 
"I love Norweigan shouting choruses."
Greetings and salutations.....
In lieu of reading ripetomato's latest entry, I have been inspired to share my experiences with a joyous little online dating service called match.com.
First, however, is the disclaimer. This was created as a joke. I was over at my friend Becky's house, and we were bored, so we created an account for "me" and had a damn good laugh over it.
Anyways. So we created this completely random account under the user name "happySprinkles". (No use looking for it now, though... it's been deleted.) The first version of the profile was mostly tame, but I went back later and completely messed with it.
The opening line to my profile was "Offensive is my middle name." Apparently, I could now speak not only English, but German, Arabic, and Polish as well. I drink regularly and smoke daily, and I am now a very spiritual person.
Describing myself?
"So I'm sitting here tonight, damning my friends and polishing off a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream... when I realized that I need some new fun in my life. Not that there's a serious lack of it- but I just need to free myself in ways that they probably won't allow me to talk about in this profile. I like to party... a lot. Hockey, football, and line dancing are all favorites of mine. Concerts are my addiction, along with Faygo. I like Chinese food, hot men, purple eyeliner, and good music."
Describing my ideal match?
"If I have not dated you or slept with you on a beach in Mexico, you're fine with me. I hope you can keep up with me..."
Obviously, you can tell I am not being serious. But just for good measure, here are the contents of the "About my personality" section.
"My ideal place to live is: Adobe in the desert
When it comes to my space: You can see the floor-every once in a while
My fashion sense can best be described as: Minimal - You consider clothes to be OPTIONAL
My sense of humor tends toward: Dry/Sarcastic – Dennis Miller is a cream puff compared to me
When it comes to parties I'd best be described as: Exhibitionist
With free time on a day off, I would most enjoy: Doing absolutely nothing
When it comes to television,: I’m a news junkie (CNN, C-SPAN, MSNBC)
When it comes to work: Work?
I attend religious services: More than once a week
My political views lean toward: Practicing Anarchist
When it comes to money: I spend it when I’ve got it
When I'm meeting a friend, I am generally: Time is relative, isn't it?
My favorite types of music are: Rock, Rap / Hip Hop, Electronic / Techno, Country & Western, Theatrical / Broadway, Alpenhorn solos, Norweigan Shouting Choruses
Lets talk pets:
I have: Dog(s)
I like but don't have: Fish
I don't have and don't like: Cat(s), Reptile(s), Bird(s), Exotic pet(s), Rodent(s), Fleas
Turn Ons! Tattoo(s), Body Piercing(s), Flirting, Thrill Seekers, Dancing, Sarcasm, Boldness / Assertiveness, Erotica
Turn Offs! Skinny Dipping, Public Displays of Affection, Power, Money"
I would hope that one would *definitely* see that this is an obvious joke. But *no*... I don't know how exactly the matching system worked, but somehow, I got matched with these random guys who were nothing short of deranged. And of course, they started emailing me.
I had one offer from a guy who wanted to live naked in the desert with me for the rest of his life. Several other guys, apparently noticing my so-called erotica turn on, described in great detail the strange and kinky things they wanted to do to me. Still other men called me out on the "practicing anarchist" bit, or the "exhibitionist" comment, among other odd things. I also had several emails sent to me in Arabic and Polish.
::sigh:: It was funny at first, but it quickly got annoying... so I canceled my account and the strange emails ceased.
That is my story for the evening... goodnight.
<--Piper-->