2001-08-15 - 9:13 p.m.
I am feeling... 
"Part 1: the drunken ramblings."
Greetings and salutations.....
The first part of my week so far... I must vent.
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Sunday was Warped Tour day. It was mucho fun, although I got sunburned, and that always sucks. Rancid kicked ass, Less Than Jake was fabulous, the Bouncing Souls were wonderful, and the Dropkick Murphys... holy shit. Every time I see them, they fuckin get better and better. I enjoyed them *very* much.
Chris also walked around with a sign taped on his shirt that said "Please rub my butt". I was quite amused by this... he got over 100 people to rub his butt. Jeez, only Chris... where do I meet these people?
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Monday I found out that my friend Jason Cass has liver cancer. He is drinking himself into his grave. It's depressing. Therefore, I decided to be a lush on Monday evening. I consequently went on a Hunter S. Thompson-style tangent and wrote down *everything* I did and thought. But I swear... the greatest novels we write are only in our head. So here it is.
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I am drunk. Very drunk. I asked my father tonight if he minded me drinking. I said, "Dad, today sucks. I am going to raid my liquor stash. OK?"
He didn't answer. He left the house ten minutes ago. I am home alone. At least I asked.
I started to call Becky to go out, but I decided against it. Jack Daniels was my best friend tonight. I would have forgotten her number anyways, if it wasn't on speed dial. So I started to pack up my stuff for my dorm, seeing how I'm leaving for Indiana on Monday.
If there was ever a song to describe my general mood on things, it is "I Will Still Be Laughing" by Soul Asylum. I could post the lyrics, but I won't. Too much energy. Go download it or something.
I decided to call Amir. I got as far as the area code before I hung up. Fuck it. He won't be home. He'll be out with Tall Fucker.
Go download "Close" by Soul Asylum now. I admit to owning their "Candy From A Stranger" CD, and I like it. Greatest line ever: "It's not like we never got in trouble- it's just we've never gotten caught." Or something like that. You get the picture.
Inspiration strikes! I will write all this down! I've been talking to myself for the last ten minutes, and I'm getting more and more drunk by the minute. Spelling errors and depressing thoughts abound. I raise a glass to Jason Cass. That rhymed.
It would be so much easier if I had a computer in my room. This would be so much easier. But then there would be people IM'ing me, and I don't want to talk to anyone. Fuck off, invisible people, leave me alone.
I readily admit that I am an alcoholic. I have accepted this, and I love it. I love to drink. It's bad for me and all that, but fuck it. I want to drink. I will drink. I'll outgrow it if I want to.
I hope I remember this whole diatribe tomorrow.
I did not have dinner tonight. It's because my mother (and sister) are in Ohio. No one is here to make me dinner. But then again, my father, brother, and I are the type of person who's more likely to shoot their dinner than order linguini at a five-star Italian restaurant. Cheers for cold White Castles.
I am listening to "My Favorite Mistake" by Sheryl Crow. I snap. I sing. I wonder about what I have gotten myself into in life. I have quite a few favorite mistakes. I'm about to make two more.
I go through my old credit card receipts and sort them. Boring. I continue to pack.
My sister's friend Jay calls, and I talk incoherently to him for awhile. Jay is a wonderful person, and I am happy to call him my own friend as well. We are going to see "American Pie 2" on Thursday night.
My daddy just asked if I wanted dinner. I told him, and very nicely, that if I wanted anything, I would've gotten it myself already. He isn't accustomed to me growing up yet. I hope he is ready to see his little girl in an Air Force uniform on Monday. I am all grown up already.
I am spent for the evening. Too much alcohol, not enough outlets for my extra energy. Only packing. But I stumble across an old letter from a friend at school, and it reminds me of a favorite quote of mine. Take it whatever way you will.
--A wise man told me, "You will not be disappointed. Ever." And I wasn't. I was only thoroughly ashamed of my actions and in complete denial of my life. That's all.
Goodbye to Monday evening. Goodnight to Jason.
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Pray for Jason, he needs it.
I'll update more later tonight.
~*~Piper~*~